I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize