just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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