oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize