So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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