someone threw a dead crab at me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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