i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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