I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize