im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize