I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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