So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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