Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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