I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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