i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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