Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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