My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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