i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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