i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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