There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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