You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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