I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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