I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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