The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just high enough for therapy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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