thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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