i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize