Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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