My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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