My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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