Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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