OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize