she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
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If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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