your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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