I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need help removing her.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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