Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize