This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize