We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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