Sry I called you an 8
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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