I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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