i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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