; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
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I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
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Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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