Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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