When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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