Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize