i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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