Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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