is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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