2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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