nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize