I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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