Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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