listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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